The Beard Next Door: The Christian Right has been searching for a “cure” for homosexuality for decades. Hayden Christensen discovered Rachel Bilson in a fraction of that time. [Gawker]

Candy Ass: The Naked Cowboy doing well in his suit against chocolatier, still regrettably underclothed. [NyMag]

What Chu Talkin’ Bout?: Still button-cute, Gary Coleman proves there’s a 22-year-old girl redhead out there for everyone. Aww. [NYPost]

Hallelujah: Christian sex toys—well fancy that. [NPR]

Throwing Gas: Roger Clemens embarrasses himself before Congress, then testifies. [Magnificent Bastard]

“Fly My Pretties! Fly!”: Channeling The Wizard of Oz, Gareth Pugh sics flying monkeys on London. [FemaleFirst UK]

Tid Bites: Forget the sublime notebooks and cheeky mittens—Kate and Jack Spade’s best debut during Fashion Week was the Smurf-sized breakfast. [Hamish Robertson]

Salt of The Earth: It’s fun to dress like a laborer when you don’t have to lift a finger. [NYTimes]

It’s a Cinch: Our mental jury is still out on this drawstring-hem t shirt. [Carrying Contraption]

Rope A Dope: According to this, Monroe-wannabe Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety is hanging by a thread?a resonating, energy-balancing thread. [SheFinds]

Tough Love: After banning Cathy Horyn, increasingly pissy Giorgio Armani has some choice words for Anna Wintour. [NYMag]

Big and Tall: After doing his best Dr. J impression, Will Ferrell indulges in some Charles Barkley. [Style Dash]

“Why Does Everyone Hate Hipsters?”: Um, because they’re hipsters? [LAist]

Politics as Usual: Sharia Law has nothing on campaign dress codes. [NYTimes]

A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood: Please join us on March 20th by wearing a sweater in honor of Mr. Rogers, won’t you? [AP]

Teenage Wasteland: Okay! Enough with the Cory Kennedy already. [Everyone, Everywhere]

Man of Letters: Original preppie king, Goldwater Conservative and trad icon William F. Buckley grabs a wing chair in that great club room in the sky. [Observer]

Theme Song: Remember Rock&Roll? Their new tribute to Milan Fashion week is called, “Coke Freaks and Fashion Whores.” Sounds right to us. [WWD]

“You’ll Never Go Wrong Dressing Plain and Dull”: This only works when running for national office. Otherwise, feel free to dress like a Somali elder. [Chicago Tribune]

The Keith Richards Workout: “For me, doing a Rolling Stones show for two hours a night, that’s enough f*in’ exercise, you know? Then I’ve got to go to bed with the old lady, bonka bonka. You know?” We know, Keef. We know. [Digital Spy]

Simple Statutes: Oh, sorry, did we forget to post Esquire’s New Laws of Casual Style? Here, let’s fix that. [Esquire]

Love For Sale: Scarlett puts herself up for auction on eBay, meaning it’s only a matter of hours before our PayPal bill dwarfs our student loans. [Gawker]

Hip To Be Square: The Roots of American Prep. [Men’s Flair]

“Most Females Lie More Cleverly and Successfully Than Men”: Or at least that’s what they want you to think. [NYPost]

Wedding Bells?: Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Marc Jacobs. [NYMag]

Transition of Power: In his first appearance as Russia’s new President-elect, Dmitry Medvedev greets the nation in a turtleneck and jeans apparently from Sears. Weep for the Motherland. [Reuters]

Trading Sideways: Geeks fighting to replacing hipsters? Let’s settle this one at the playground during recess. [Scrawled in Wax]

Bloggerati: Rising fashion blogger Kanye West is shut out of Balenciaga, says he doesn’t really mind and declares that his “first love is for fashion.” Jesus, it’s Faran Krentcil all over again. [The Celebrity Truth]

To The Brim: Ain’t ya heard? The Hat Is Back , y’all.

Kate Moss by Irving Penn

Going, Going…: Christie’s will auction off a 135-piece collection of glamour photography by Richard Avedon, Diane Arbus and Man Ray which will include tastefully nude shots of Gisele and Ms. Moss. The Irving Penn cheesecake pics will likely go for $30,000 or so?about the same price as a night with Kristen. [Vogue UK]

Advocacy Journalism: A popular men’s fashion magazine contributes to a major shift in American foreign affairs. No, it isn’t The Economist. [Jezebel]

Cat’s Out of the Bag: Paul Smith is having a sample sale, just try to keep it on the down lo… crap… never mind. [Racked]

Four Eyes: Pull out your prescription lenses because cute/wacked nerd-chaser Verena Von Pfetten admits, “I just love me some myopia.” [Huffington Post]

Man’s Man: Jason Preston is everything women could want - fashionable, attractive, connected and willing to throw down to defend a lady’s honor. Too bad for them he’s engaged to Marc Jacobs. [NYPost]

All Aboard: By the next decade, New York Fashion Week may have a new home on top of the West Side Rail Yards, forcing poor Conde Nasters to walk more than half a block to the tents. [NY Daily News]

No Accounting for Taste: Dolce & Gabbana may be the most famous Italians slammed for tax evasion since Al Capone. [DNRNews]

LeBron Shoots: King James takes his career—and Tom Brady’s girl—in his hands by posing next to Gisele “Game Killer” Bundchen on the cover of Vogue. [NYMag]

Land War: Join the fight as Diesel and Tommy Hilfiger battle for control of Manhattan in a Fifth Avenue cage match to the death. [Antara and DNRNews]

Girls Dressing Boys: Liz Claiborne and Donna Karen International are teaming up on a new DKNY line. Neither Donna or Liz will be involved as they are retired and dead - respectively of course. [Reuters]

Fashion Capital: The fashion industry is already chasing after New York’s awesomely non-disgraced new Governor. [DNRNews]

Spank Rock: An Irish “Sperm for Tickets” scheme gets way out of hand. Sorry about that. [NME via Radar]

Paris, je t’aime: Next time you’re strolling by the Seine, pop into the stunning April 77 store. [Refinery 29]

Je Le Lis Pour Les Articles: Naughty, naughty Amy Odell loves French Playboy almost as much as we do. [NYMag]

Whew, That Was Close: For one horrid moment we thought George Clooney was about to join the celebrity-clothing-line craze. Thank God for hoaxes and hearsay. [WWD]

Flip Floppers: Desperately fashionable Men.Style reverses its position on mocks - looses several key superdelegates. [Men.Style]

Against The Grain: Sit down with out-of-the-box outerwear makers Wood Wood. [The Pop Manifesto]

Dapper Don: Mr. Mort shows the Ivy League how it’s done. [A Continuous Lean]

Free Tibet: A strangely eloquent protest you can wear to the gym. [V Magazine]

Advantage, You: If nothing else, at least you can beat Andy Roddick at Wii. We’re sure the girls will be impressed. [Vanityfair.com]

Bathing Beauty: Get out your water wings and take a dive with Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin. [Men’s Vogue]

Rock-A-Fellas: It’s shaping up to be a banner week for ex-label mates and eternal hustlers Damon Dash and Jay-Z. [NME]

On The Trail: Will this campaign season ever end? [Guardian UK]

Ol’ Blighty: Meanwhile the sceptred isle has its own sartorial issues. [Daily Mail UK]

Style Points: This seasonal scorecard of surviving menswear designers is probably the best digest of critiques we’ve seen all year… except our own, of course. [NYTimes]

Shock Teese: Our favorite burlesque star, Frau Dita Von Teese, once - surprise, surprise - filmed some kinky girl-on-girl porn, some of it hot, some of (particularly the bit with the shoes) not so much. Not to worry, we still file her under “classy broad.” [Fleshbot, soooo NSFW]

Budget Kawakubo: H+M will borrow the outré edge of Comme des Garçons for a limited line this November. [Vogue UK]

Spelunking: Share your mancave with the world. [CNN iReport]

Guy Liner: Pete Wentz creates a make-up line for men, you know, because buying women’s make up is kinda gay. [Styledash]

Deal Alert: Get your Hicky’s. [Racked]

It’s The Perfect Time For… April77’s Spring/Summer collection. [Hypebeast]

Dress to Suppress: Amidst what appears to be a total collapse of democracy, journalistic independence and human rights, some intrepid fashion writer actually managed to file this story on style and the derailed Zimbabwean presidential campaign. Who needs freedom of the press anyway? [All Africa]

Bulletproof Bonnet: Perhaps a more useful mode of dress for scared Zimbabweans, this cutting-edge, street-thug tech hoodie can stop a 9mm round. [BBC]

Ships Ahoy: A naval salute to Chambray. [A Continuous Lean]

Get Fit: A little primer on silhouette theory. [Permanent Style]

Go Green:Take a peek at Timo Weiland’s bio-friendly billfolds. [Refinery29]

Off The Cuff: Pop quiz, hotshot. Your brand-new slacks haven’t been to the tailor yet and you’ve got 15 minutes to meet your people at the bar. What do you do? What do you do? [Esquire]

Mr. & Mrs. Z: Jay-Z once rapped,”Y’all be frontin’, me give my heart to a woman? Not for nothin’, never happen’, I’ll be forever mackin.” He lied. [US Magazine]

“Why does anyone in New York buy ties fully priced?”: Good question, mate. [Permanent Style]

Team Polo: While the Olympic Torch is struggling to stay lit, Ralph is busy outfitting American athletes. [Reuters]

Party Politics: Pro war. Anti war. Conservative. Liberal. The only thing that really matters is where the candidates stand on beer issues. [Huffington Post]

Fresh Fruit: BR Monogram opens today in the Village. [WWD]

Kempt Kept Men: Thanks to the changing face of Japanese sexual politics you can finally be a geisha. [CNN]

Freak Folk: Always on the hunt for a deep, sensitive mate, Natalie Portman is reportedly nuzzling up to Cripple Crow crooner Devandra Banhart. Yeah, we don’t know how we feel about this one either. We mean, he is wearing a woman’s jacket. [Egotastic]

Napoleon Complex: Lil’, wee plutocrat Nic Sarkozy is kicking up a press dust storm in his fierce heels. [Shoeblogs]

What Would Moz Do?: Dress like Morrissey and you’re set for life. [Style Salvage]

Spit and Polish: The geopolitics of the shoeshine. [NYT via On The Fly]

Throwing Sparks: Sharp dockside looks from Philip Sparks. [Philipsparks via Notcouture]

Blinded by the White: N.B. to African-American society partygoers - some photogs may require you use nametags. [Radar]

Environmental Hang Up: Going green starts at your dry cleaner. [Fox23]

Out of Africa: A brief history of the safari jacket. [Mercury News]

New Journalism: The Wall Street Journal is set to launch a new luxury magazine to compete with the Times’ glossy insert, T. Yes, yes - you’re right - they’re calling it WSJ. [Editor and Publisher]

Luxury Hacks: Next time you’re in Moscow, flag down a Maybach. [Autopark]

Home, Jeeves: In other auto news, The Chauffeur magazine has named its “Car of the Year.” The Chauffeur magazine? We should really get our guy a subscription for his birthday. [Autoblog]

Il Bue Che Dice Cornuto All’asino: Italy bans Tom Ford ad because of their long tradition of high-minded, unporny public discourse. [Radar]

The Distinguished Gentleman From Milan: In related news, Santo Versace, business manager of the family label, has joined Italy’s Parliment. [WWD, 2nd item]

“Masturbation Cuts Cancer Risk”: Well, in that case, maybe we’ll try it some time. [BBC]

Slip Ons: Socks for men without shoes. [Men’s Vogue]

Ripped From the Headlines: Our very own Jared Paul Stern is set to be detonated in effigy in an upcoming episode of “Law & Order.” We couldn’t be more proud. Also, Chung-chung. [NY Daily News]

Ring of Fire: Like a ribbon ‘round your finger, this accessory will remind you of appointments or anniversaries or burn you in the process. [Uncrate]

Beggars and Choosers: A probing piece about the difficulties of funding and presenting at Fashion Week. [Papierdoll]

Monroe Doctrine: The Marilyn sex-tape fantasy goes “pop” in 1,460 words. [Defamer]

Members Only: A jacket checklist for these windbreaker months. [Refinery29]

The Great Pants War: Two competing revolutionaries, Bonobos and Cordarounds, square off against the “Soviet Bloc” of vertical corduroy with the introduction a horizontal variation on the classic fabric. Watch out for the crossfire. [VanityFair.com]

The Long Haul: Back off you vultures. Giorgio Armani ain’t going nowhere. [WWD, 2nd item]

Russian Male-Order Bride: Iron-fisted autocrat beloved legally elected Federation President Vladimir Putin tries his best to emulate Nicolas Sarkozy’s recent marital success. Fails. [Gawker]

Wigging Out: Unofficial Kempt mascot Rachel Bilson plays blonde for a day. [Egotastic]

Loop de Loop: Harajuku t-shirt maker does it oldschool. [PSFK]

More Celebrity Stink: James Franco, who we actually like, will be the face for Gucci’s latest scent. [Luxist]

Boob Tube: Because he hasn’t reached complete market saturation, Tommy Hilfiger will soon have his own TV channel. [DNRNews]

Madras Explosion: Ahh! Our eyes! Our eyes! [A Suitable Wardrobe]

Vampira Lives: Alabaster exhibitionist Dita Von Teese avoids the sunlight. We’ll share the darkness with her any time. [NY Daily News]

Time Travel: Men’s Vogue cast their eyes forward to the Patek Philippe exhibition at Tiffany & Co, offering us some jaw-dropping preview images. [Men’s Vogue]

Courting the Bro’ Vote: There are conflicting reports about who placed those Abercrombie & Fitch jokers behind Barack Obama at a campaign speech. If, as reported, this was the Obama campaign’s attempt to reach out to young voters, it redefines “going negative” in our opinion. [WWD]

Tomorrow Never Knows: The Moment stares into the future and, as Kempt icon Leonard Cohen says, it’s murder. That, and chairs made of stuffed animals. [The Moment]

Rocky Road: Our Gisele pairs up with Sly Stallone to film a Volkswagen commercial for Brazilian television. We’ve been scratching our heads all day on this one. [NYPost]

Check List: Señor David Coleman takes on the whole plaid-on-plaid mishigas. [NYTimes]

Banging the Gavel: With the recent sale of Carla Bruni nudes and the new offering of this Michael Comte Gisele shot, it’s clear that British auction houses are becoming the place for top-drawer spank fodder. [Vogue UK]

Penny Pusher: Every time blue-eyed, honey-blond men’s fashion blogger Amanda Brooks writes a tribute to a male dress staple, we fall a little harder. [Men’s Vogue]

More Cushion for the Pushin’: If you’re using padded underwear to get laid, there’s really nothing we, or anyone else, can do for you. [NYMag]

Supercops: English bobbies may soon have cool designer capes. Maybe it would be cooler if the government gave them firearms, but what can you do? [BBC]

Big Bubba: Bill Clinton uses big fat, dies to distract the eye from his big, fat mouth. [HuffPo]

Stupid is as Stupid Does: England’s premier scientific journal, The Sun reveals that the more educated a woman is, the harder it is to satisfy her sexually. Well, duh. [The Sun]

Preppy is as Preppy Does:Brooks Brothers debuts their Black Fleece collection. [Luxist]

Home Maker: In a last-ditch effort to save the housing market, Petra Nemcova has branched out into sexy, sexy field of real-estate development. [NYPost]

Separated at Birth: While Ashley Olsen made the Maxim “Hot 100 List,” Mary-Kate was left off the tally of the world’s hottest tail, thus solidifying her place as the “ugly one.” [Hollywood Scoop]

The Legion of Superheroes: The bright stars of society and fashion enjoyed the spandex and cowls on display at the Met Gala. We’ll just go ahead and presume our invites got lost in the mail. [NYMag]

Under the Burka: Islamic fashion designers just can’t win. [Turkish Daily News]

Vote Thin!: Barack Obama represents a, “shining new hope for skinny men,” and political marginalization for fatties. [Guardian UK]

Fitting End: Tailor to Sir Roger Moore and Ralph Lauren, Douglas Howard passes away at 73. [DNRNews]

Cool Britannia: English men are turning down sex in growing numbers, leaving more for the rest of us sloppy Yanks. [Men.Style]

Petal Pushers: Yes, we admit it, we love flowers, but there’s a limit, people. [NYMag]

The Razor’s Edge: Men’s Vogue takes on the razor blade arms race. [Men’s Vogue]

Con Job: Sit down with Converse’s creative director. [Coolhunting]

The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master: We’re solid with about 58 of these. [Esquire]

Bowery Mission: Rogan Gregory opens a new store on the Bowery, serves the local cocktail. [Refinery29]

In a Huf: A skate-punk brand grows up. [Coolhunting]

Silver Foxes: Black, grey, whatever - as long as our hair stays on our heads, we’re good. [NYTimes]

Porn and Politics: The Italian Parliament is starting to look more and more like a strip club. [Radar]

Oh, and remember to call your mother on Sunday. There’s nothing wrong with a ladies’ man admitting that he’s also a momma’s boy.